Gravity (Where The Light Is)
“GravityStay the hell away from me
It’s taking a better man than me
Now how can that be?
Just keep me where the light is…”
If you have an Instagram, you would know that Thursday’s are probably it’s most popular posting day due to #ThrowbackThursday’s (Yeah, I just used a hashtag… don’t judge). I don’t often participate in it, but today I thought I’d give it a go. I posted the following picture of myself from when I was but the wee-baby Turner:
(Funny story about this pic: my mom let an absolute stranger who lived next door to my grams take this pic. He saw me in the front yard and asked my mom if he could take a picture of me and SHE SAID YES!!! The hell is wrong with her? He probably still furiously beats off to this picture to this day…)
Anyway, I don’t participate in the #ThrowbackThursday (damn it, I did it again) trend too often. But finding this picture led me down a rabbit hole of sorts. This rabbit hole is something that I voluntarily fall down every now and again. I start feeling nostalgic, wanting to take a somewhat embarrassing walk down memory lane. I ultimately found pictures from elementary school and Jr. High, but it was the pictures from high school that got me the most.
See, high school was a tough time for me, mentally and emotionally. I wasn’t a very happy teenager due to circumstances I’m not really willing to delve into currently, but I hid it well. Only my closest friends know what I went through in those years. But looking at the pictures, looking at that painfully shy, awfully awkward and gawky teenager who felt like he was forced to hide his pain as to not draw attention to himself, I suddenly felt a sense of pride.
Looking at who I was not even 10 years ago:
(Acne scars and the beginnings of a jeri curl… Word.)
And then looking at who I am right now:
And then another one…
And another one for good measure… (also because I’m damn photogenic sometimes…)
(Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.)
But back to the point I was trying to make before narcissism took over. I’m proud of myself because after everything that I went through, I came out the other side pretty okay. And not just look-wise, I mean the whole package.
There’s a song on John Mayer’s “Continuum” album called “Gravity” that has resonated with me ever since I heard it the summer after graduating high school. It’s an ode to the fear of being bogged down in the familiar, bogged down in what keeps you from moving forward with your life. In the song, there’s a line that goes “just keep me where the light is.” And every now and again, when I’m feeling particularly down on myself, I listen to this song and remind myself of where the light is.
I’m not a perfect human being. I don’t strive to be. However, I do want to be the best person that I can be and lately it seems like the vision of the future is becoming more and more clear for myself and those around me. That’s probably been the hardest thing to accept in my 25 years on this earth. Since high school, I’ve been lost and latching onto other people’s dreams because of the fear of the unknown. In the last year as I’ve had certain experiences, I’ve learned that that the unknown is something that’s beautiful, it’s the light I believe John was crooning about. Fear is the gravity that’s keeping me away from that light.
It’s within my reach, I just need to shake the last flakes of the fear. I can see it. I want it. I crave it so bad. I’m going to make that light mine. And I’m gonna take the world with me.
Please excuse this stream of unnecessary consciousness. I’ve been drinking cheap jug wine and I needed to get it off my mind finally.